What's PMSing?
by WolverinesDarlin
Summary: Shepard is acting a bit... "bi-polar" lately. What is going on? She goes from laughing to angry to crying and then back to laughing. Whats with her? Rated M for heavy language and some suggestive humor. A work of Cally Starkiller and WolverinesDarlin'.
1. Chapter 1

Heyy guys! Guess what? Cally Starkiller and I have made up a funny, sweet, and semi fluffy story for all you Garrus and Sheparrd fans!

There's plenty of emotions to go around, from laughter and teasing to anger and threats.

So buckle up, grab some popcorn and have fun!

Disclaimer: Cally Starkiller and I do not own Mas Effect or its characters.

Authors Note: Just so you all know… this was started from some playful banter…. And then, bcause we are writers, it turned into this. We both pulled an all nighter, best all nighter EVER. Thanks Cally!

MassEffect

"Shepard, need something?" Garrus asked, turning to face his CO

"You got a minute?"

"Can it wait? I'm in the middle of some callibrations."

"You are always' working. Back on t he first Normandy it was the Mako… now it's the Weapon Callibrations. You're a workaholic. You should just take a break for once."

Garrus sighed. "Alright Shepard. What would you like to talk about?"

"Why are you always callibrating? It's not like the ship will implode if you don't run some numbers. And another thing…"

Before Garrus could respond or see it coming Shepard went into a full out rant.

"Whoa whoa, Shepard calm down. Take a breather." Garrus held up his hands in defeat, taken by surprise by Shepards sudden change in attitude.

"Don't tell me to "take a breather" you overgrown dinosaur!" Shepard yelled, glaring at her friend.

"No need to get all temered you squishy, fragile, sensitive, weird looking, human!" Garrus shot back.

Shepard gasped, "Why you…" Shepard stuttered for a while, "Gah! You're mean!"

"You started it. What is with you anyway? You're acting as if a Varren left you a smelly gift in your room…"

"And for the record, the Normandy didn't implode it exploded!"

"Sorry, my translator isn't picking up a difference between the two."

"Oh don't blame it on yoru damn translator. You DO know the difference, besides… the Normandy-1 exploding because of the Collectors not because of you not callibrating!"

"Maybe the Collectors were able to take out they Normandy because I wasn't callibrating!" Garrus crossed his arms, daring her to argue.

Shepard huffed, "Whatever. I am SO done with you." Shepard turns on her heel and starts to turn away and walk down the hallway back to the main battery. "I'm actually glad now that I wrecked the Mako every chance I got!" She yelled over her shoulder back at him, sending him an extra glare with it.

"I'm surprised the Mako wasn't finished by you in the first place! I'm beginning to think that you totaled it everytime just to spite me!"

Garrus huffs and mutters "humans" loud enough for her to hear even halfway down the hall.

Shepard comes storming back to the Battery. "You know what Garrus? You remind me of my old pet dinosaur." She says casually.

"You never had a pet dinosaur…. What is a dinosaur?"

"A turian that's what. And how would YOU know that I didn't have a pet dinosaur? Did you stalk me when I was a child? Follow me everywhere I went?"

"Oh yah… cus even when you were a child the whole UNIVERSE revolved around Cally Shepard, Survivor of Akuze, First human Spectre, and Savior of the Citadel." Garrus mocked, mandibles flaring.

"I didn't see YOU runing around saving the whole damn galaxy. Or surviving Akuze or the N7 program. What did YOU do that was so amazing Hmmmm?" Shepard crossed her arms, obviously believeing she just won this argument that Garrus still wasn't sure why they were having it.

"Uh… I…. well… uhm…." Garrus stuttered, _Damn she DID win…_

Shepard "smirked" or whatever the term for the smug, sideways grin was.

"I…. I… SURVIVED BEING SHOT BY A GUNSHIP!" Garrus shouted, excited her had found something worth while.

"That's right turian you can't think of anything because you…. oooh" Shepard started to laugh but stopped when she registered what he had said.

"That's right, never survived THAT now did ya?" Garrus pointed a talon in her face.

"Well that's only because I saved your ass and hauled your huge turian body back to the Normandy! If it weren't for me you'd be dead already! And get that DAMN turian talon outta my face!" She shouted.

Garrus was certain the whole mess could hear them but could care less right now. He was between thinking this was fun and interesting and frustrating and not good.

"I… well…. Uh…." Garrus lowers his hand away from her face. " Well if you hadn't died in the first place I wouldn't have left the Citadel for Omega!"

Shepard opened her mouth to argue but shut her mouth. He had a point. From what she had heard and been told… Garrus only left again because of her death. He had been one of the top people to be the most affected.

Shepard couldn't back down though, although she wasn't exactly sure why. She gave him her best glare but it quickly faltered.

Garrus however was looking mighty smug that he had just won their argument. Shepard stared at him,

"DAMN YOU FOR BRINGING THAT UP!" She screamed.

"DAMN YOU FOR STARTING THIS WHOLE DAMN THING!" garrus shot back.

"No, damn YOU for being a smug ass turian who HAPPENS to have a sexy voice an-" Shepard clamped her hands over her mouth.

"Uuhm" She started, racking her brain depserately for a comeback or reason for saying that.

"Oh so now I'm sexy… when just minutes ago I was an awkward alien." Garrus crossed his arms.

"Well, uh… you see." Shepard's mind was completely blank… and that was bad.

Garrus did a turian version of an eyebrow raise. Waiting, amused, for her response.

"Oh I see how it is you bi-polar freak…" He started, chuckling a little and continued to watch the stuttering Shepard.

"Bi-polar my human ass! …. And about earlier…."

"See there we go again. We go from, shouting to stuttering to shouting to calm again."

"You see cus I wasn't thinking straight so I didn't really…. Uhm…. So… you don't have to…. OH FUCK IT ALL!" Shepard suddenly shouted.

Despite this on and off again non-sense Garrus was still surprised by her sudden change… again.

"You're still and awkward alien!"

"Oh and you aren't? You're just as much an alien to me as I am to you. Like with your facial expressions… took me forever to understand those." Shepard glares at him, "See like the "glare" that one took me YEARS… and lets not forget your "hair" and your soft fragile bodies. It's a wonder how you're so good on the battle field Shepard."

"GAH!" Shepard screams and throws up her hands, interrupting the turian as he talks and complains about humans.

Garrus looks at her, "bah humbug!" she exclaims.

Garrus stares wide eyed at her, he'd never heard THAT one before. "What the HELL is THAT supposed to mean?"

"It means frak you.. you… dinosaur!"

Garrus rolls his eyes and sighs. "You're gonna have to get some new insults… cus "dinosaur" is pretty old and lame."

"Oh yeah? What kinda insulting names do you have for us humans?"

"Nothing that would translate." Garrus covered.

Shepard stares at him and growls.

Garrus growled in return.

Shepard bursts out laughing, "You growl like a dog!" Shepard laughs again.

"GAH! Shepard! How do you manage to be so damn frustrating?"

"Because I'm Commander and your not." She says teasingly.

Garrus opens his mouth then closes it. "Yah well this is… uh…. It's a…. civillian ship… so you don't hold the same authority as you did on SR-1…"

"The hell I don't. And this is NOT a cilvillian ship!"

"Well that's what Miranda said…"

"It's a Cerberus vessel… not a civilian cruiser!"

Garrus stared at Shepard. She was getting more and more unpredictible by the moment. Garrus took a step back so that he was leaning against the console.

"And… and… yah. Anyway… I still think you sound like a dog… a cute little Poodle puppy…. Or maybe a vicious German Shepard."

Garrus may not be human but he'd seen enough vids and holos to know that being a Poodle wasn't a compliment…

"I've seen enough to know that THAT was an insult…." Garrus glared at Shepard.

"Oooh… is Garrus such a cute little puppy dog? Such a cute little baby puppy…." Shepard taunted.

"If you want a "vicious" german shepard you'll get one." He growled.

"N-no you won't. You're my sweet little german shepard puppy… you wouldn't hurt me… Nice Dinosaur Puppy…." Shepard walked back a couple steps.

Garrus' mandbiles flared as he stalked slowly towards Shepard.

Shepard gasped, turned on her heel and ran to the mess hall, Garrus sprinted after her.

"Tali help! There's a Ravage Dino-German Shepard after me! Heeelp!"

When Shepards' bestfriend/sister did not come to her rescue Garrus laughed, "Nobody can save you now!"

"Fuuck she's not on this level!" Shepard kept running and as she passes Rupert, her "chef", she shouted, "Rupert I want a pizza ready in 20 minutes! After I'm done mauling this damned turian!" She stopped suddenly causing the turian to stumble. But he didn't stop in time to avoid the fist coming straight for his gut.

Garrus grunted when the punch connected with his gut, "Oh! … Not smart…" He growled.

Shepards eyes grew as large and round as saucers, "Eep."

Garrus jumped into action and grabbed the small womens arm and twisted it behind her back.

"Down boy… bad puppy. Sit…. Down…AAAaaah" Shepard screamed, her arm didn't really hurt that bad, Garrus was being gentle, but she was gonna get him to let her go.

He didn't, "What was that? I didn't quite hear you…" He laughed darkly.

"I said… ahahha… oh god, Garrus let go!" She shouted, THAT worked, Garrus let go immediately; obviously afraid of hurting her. She felt a small pang of guilt, making him panic of her.

Shepard turned around and glared at him, Garrus returned the gaze but his was frightened not angry. Shepard felt like smirking.

"Not cool Archangel."

"She-shepard… it was an accident… I didn't mean to…" He really felt bad about "hurting" her.

Shepard quickly decided that she neither wanted to admit she was lying or allow him to feel bad so she did the first thing that popped into her mind… violence.

All in one quick motion; she quickly walked up to him and put her right leg behind his left leg and put her hands on his torso. As she pushed back on his torso she brought her leg up a little bit and then pulled her leg from under him, successfully making him fall backwards.

Garrus screamed in surprise.

"Mwahahha, sweet SWEET revenge!" She laughed, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have some pizza awaiting me." She smiled at him sweetly and moved to the table where Rupert brought her the full, circular, deliciousness known as pizza.

Garrus glared at her from the floor as she left and began to eat on her full pizza. He got up off the floor and watched as Shepard happily ate her precious pizza, a devotion and obsession that would put Joker and his hat to the test.

Garrus smiled wickedly, "Looks like you have some food on you Shepard."

"Where?" Shepard looked down on herself looking for any dropped pizza on her lap or shirt. Before she could react Garrus picked up the plate that held her perfect pizza and plopped the whole thing over her head.

Shepard squealed.

"Shepard it's all over you… can't you see it? Where are your manners?"

The whole mess hall is broken up into either shocked silence or laughter, not soon after Miranda comes out and the whole room goes quiet. Garrus and Shepard both look up to see Miranda walking towards them.

"What the hell is going on in-"

Garrus freezes in fear and as slowly as he can he points a single finger at the pizza covered Shepard.

Shepard gasps in shock and takes a single piece of pizza, that is still on top of her head, and throws it at Garrus.

Garrus shakes his head in feigned shock, "See! She started it!" Garrus exclaimed, still trying to pin this all on her.

Miranda continues to stare at the pair, "Garrus… back to your quarters! Shepard…" Miranda sighs, "Just… eat your pizza." Miranda turns on her heel and for the elevator to the armory, "And somebody clean that mess up!" She finishes.

Garrus stared after the women, completely appalled. He glares at Shepard as she starts to taunt him.

"HA! Take THAT turian!" She laughs.

"Shut up." He growled. "You'll get your Shepard… you'll get yours."

"Psh, I'm sure." Shepard smiles wickedly as she continues to eat a still semi-decent piece of pizza.

"KEELAH! What happened in here?" Tali came off the elevator.

Crew members start to snicker, Chakwas included, it isn't long before Shepard joined in. Garrus huffed.

"Hey I smelled pizza… what in the world?" Kasumi walked into the Mess as well. Kasumi stares at a still growling Garrus, a pizza covered Shepard, and a gawking Tali.

"Yah, what in the WORLD?" Shepard agrees and played dumb looking around the mess in "bewilderment". She looks down at her arm and sees pizza sauce and licks it off.

When she looks back up Tali sways a little and everyone is near bursting to the top with laughter.

"Hey waste, not want not…" Kasumi beams underneath her hood.

"That's it!" Garrus shouted. Everyone stopped snickering and stared at Garrus, stunned by his sudden outburst.

Suddenly Garrus realized he didn't know what he was going to do after that. He looked around at everyone's stunned faces and froze. _What WAS he going to do after his outburst?_

"I… uh…. forgot what I was…. gonna…. do…." He scratched the back of his neck.

"EPIC FAIL!" Shepard laughed, using her arms animatedly to express even further just how "epically" he failed.

"I'm gonna… I'm gonna go do…. some… er… calibrating."

"Aw, poor dinosaur, all he does is calibrate calibrate calibrate."

"Shut up Shepard." Garrus sighed and walked back to the main battery. _This whole damn thing is confusing as hell. What is WITH her anyway?_

"Oh way to go Shep." Kasumi shook her head.

"Whhhaaaaat? I didn't do ANY thing." Shepard defended, giving a small pout for emphasis on the innocence.

"Make the guy walk away. Never a good idea, when a guy does that… it's bad."

"He was BUGGING me." Shepard replaced the pout with a scowl.

Kasumi didn't respond, instead walked over to Shepard and took a piece of pizza off of Shepards shoulder and smiled. "Whatever it was… I'm gonna bet that you started it."

Shepard feigned offense. "Me? Course not….." Shepard sighed.

Kasumi giggled as she put her piece of pizza in her mouth.

"WAIT! What do I do?" Shepard asked in defeat.

"Uh, not my problem." Kasumi laughed and closed her door.

MassEffect

Alright, if you're wondering how this came about I'm not kidding it was all in chat messages. So it's hard to change things over like that. I'm not kidding, I was Garrus and she was Shepard, and then we shared extra charachters


	2. Chapter 2

Shepard sighed. Suddenly strange noise admitted from the upper deck above them.

"What the-" Shepard started, then she drew the lines, "Oh HELL no…" Shepard shook her head. "God Miranda."

She slowly trudged to the Main Battery. "Doctor, what just-"

"It's a long story…" Shakes her head amused. The rest of the Mess Hall continued to snicker as Rupert mumbled and grumbled about cleaning up the floor of Garrus' and Shepard' "play time".

"Hey um… Dino-I mean Garrus?" Shepard asked as she stepped back into the Main Battery.

"What is it Shepard?"

"I'm sorr-" Shepard paued for a second, remembering the noises coming from CIC… "You wanna go mess with Miranda and Jacob? It's bonding time and I feel like we should… make some people very uncomfortable."

Garrus whipped around to face her. "Are you serious?"

"Dead serious" She smiled wickedly.

"They won't be the only ones uncomfortable Shepard." Garrus stated.

"C'mooooon." Shepard grabbed his hand and pulled the reluctant turian with her.

As the two entered the Mess Hall they heard Mordin talking to other crew members about Human mating rituals.

"Human sexual behavior consists of courting and rather smelly and sticky rituals." Mordin breaths in, "Unpleasant."

Shepard snickers while Garrus palms himself in the forehead.

"Humans begin rituals at most strange times. Sometimes in a bedroom. Others in an office. I've seen such rituals on the public streets. Recently on the Citadel. Basically sexual behavior will relieve stress. Or cause more in some cases."

"MORDIN! That's enough!" Shepard shouted, looking horribly embarrased and flustered.

Garrus looks and sees the very uncomfortable Shepard and smiles wickedly. _Payback time._

"Mordin. I have a question regarding this rather uncomfortable discussion. How exactly does the ritual… proceed?"

Shepard's face scruntches up and she elbows Garrus, "Garrus shut the hell up."

"Ow, alright. Mordin maybe another time…"

Mordin looks between the two. "Courting behavior between you two. Must research."

Shepard's eyes look as if they are about to pop out of her head and Garrus gawks at the salarian.

"Turian and human mating is not yet heard of. Must record findings. If you need help on mating Garrus. Help not far. Know where I work."

"GAAAH!" Garrus looks around nervously at the other crewmates who are between dying of held in laughter, and looking horribly distraught.

"Humans are most-"

"That's enough Mordin!" Shepard shouts, blushing madly and hiding her face from the other crew members.

"Yes, FAR enough." Garrus agrees.

Rupert was amazing at saving the two from complete and utter embarrassment.

"Aye Garrus. You mind helping me clean up this mess you two have made?"

"No." Shepard says.

Garrus looks at her quizzedly, not understanding why she wouldn't let him help. "No?"

"No."

"Is that all you know how to say Shepard? No?" Garrus asks crossing his arms.

Shepard looks offended. "Noo!"

"Pfft, see?"

"No, I mean no…"

"I see how it is." He scoffs then turns back to Rupert. "I can't help, she wanted to show me something."

Garrus gives him a small smile and then at the faces and reactions of the others, he realizes what he said.

Before he could recover though whistles and holf calls were heard throughout the Mess, "That's what she said!" Somebody joked.

"I mean… she wanted to show me something important."

"I bet it's REAL important." Rupert called.

Shepard raised an eyebrow at the stuttering turian, waiting to see how he brought himself out of this.

"It's a message from Captain Anderson! Completely work related! And Shepard wanted to show it to me."

"Oh did I?"

"Yes you did…. You said it was VERY important, that we should leave immediately and not get distracted."

More wolf whistles resounded through the Hall.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Garrus shouted, more embarrased that he'll ever be in his entire life, he's sure.

The entire Mess quieted, Garrus stared at the crew as they made themselves busy.

Garrus grunted and stalked to the elevator Shepard quietly followed in tow.

"You could have helped." He barked.

"I thought it would be more fun to watch and see how you handled it. Now about this important message…"

"Shut up." He said simply.

"Fine."

The two rode in silence for a way listening to the annoying ass elevator music.

Once the door finally open to CIC Kelly greeted them.

"Shepard! Garrus! Good to see you. Oh and Commander… Jack would like to see you."

"Thanks Kelly." She said simply. The two walked over to the armory door, both of them simply standing there, not sure what to do next.

"Why are we doing this?"

"Because it will be fun and embarrasing!"

"Your tactics are screwy, it's a wonder why I follow you into battle with those tactis of yours."

"Screwy? Have you ever died on my watch or under my orders? Nooo…. We always make it out… even if we happen to do things the hard way half of the time." She defended.

"More like all of the time." Garrus grumbled.

"I'll have you know turian…!" Shepard stopped mid lecture when she hears noises coming from inside the armory door.

Garrus takes advantage or her sidetrackand presses the door button but runs away just after so that when the door was fully open he wasn't in view. Shepard stared at after Garrus as he winks at her and ran to the elevator and went back down to the Crews Quarters, leaving Shepard to stand in front of the Armory door.

Shepard's head snapped back to the room when she heard Jacob curse and Miranda squeal.

"Shepard!" Miranda screams trying depreately to rezip her tight suit. Shepard almost laughs at the face Jacob makes at the sight of his CO staring at him almost completely naked, only clothed in boxers.

Shepard nearly feels as if her eyes are on fire, "FUCK YOU GARBEAR!"

The entire CIC level bursts out laughing, including Kelly.

Shepard clamps a hand over her mouth as she runs for the cockpit, the laughs continuing.

"SHUT THE HELL UP CHAMBERS!" Shepard screams as she continues to run for the cockpit. She can hear Kelly try to smother her laughs but she fails pitifully.

"Hey Commander. What's the joke?" Joker asks, turning around to face his CO in his swivvel chair.

"Nothing smart ass."

"Whoa, just asking a question there Commander."

"Oh just shut up."

"Alright Shepard, what's goin' on?" Joker asks, crossing his arms. Shepard huffs, Joker was the best friend she could ever ask for. He always brightened the mood but was still a good listener. He was sweet in his own way. For a while Shepard wasn't sure whether he was like a brother or something else.

"I called Garrus…." She started but lowered her voice to a mumble then spoke properly again, "So the whole CIC laughed." She told him.

"Oh that's nice that you- wait. You called Garrus WHAT?"

"I called him…" She trailed off again, mumbling the last part so he couldn't understand.

"What?"

"I CALLED GARRUS "GARBEAR"!" She screamed, the whole level started to laugh again. Shepard groaned and slapped her forehead and slid down against the far wall, so that she had her legs drawn up to her chest and was looking at Joker still.

Joker half laughs but when Shepard shoots him "the look" he adopts the most serious face he can while still bursting at the seams, inside, with laughter.

Shepard mumbles something about the whole crew laughing and something about someone being an ass.

"So you…. you called Garrus…" Joker let out a quick laugh but continued talking, stuffing the laugh for anotehr time. "GarBear?"

"YES! Gah… I hate you Joker."

"Love you too Commander… but WHY would you call him that?"

Shepard huffed, "Because I was angry with him, it was the best I could come up with at the moment. Not to mention it kinda fits…. AND he left me alone with Miranda and Jacob."

"Oh alright. I understand. If he left me alone with tight ass cheerleader and perverted creepy guy…. I would call him "garbear" too!"

"Joker…. You suck." Shepard huffed at his sarcasim.

Joker looked apalled when he heard her mumbling something about Mordin and mating rituals.

"Mordin said WHAT?"

"Nothing Joker…"

"Oh but dude… I thought that they… oh man… that's just so…."

"Joker! Get your head outta the gutter!"

"Shepard I was BORN in the gutter…"

Shepard scoffs at that, "You know maybe you and Jacob should start a club… called, "Perverts Galore" … or …. Something."

"Can Jack come?" Joker asked suggestively.

Shepard scoffs and stands up and stares at Joker worriedly, "I worry about you sometimes Joker…"

"It's not that I'm attracted or anything it's just… well I am… I mean any man in their right man WOULD… ow! Hey! Watch the arm!" Joker rubbed his arm from where Shepard had slapped him.

They both stood there for a moment, both of them remembering those had been the finally words exchanged between the two.

Shepard huffed and grabbed his hat, throwing it to the farthest corner in the cockpit and left.

"Shit, hey EDI?"

"Yes Jeff?"

"Are you able to kill people?"

"No Jeff, that is beyond my capabilities, otherwise you would not…"

"Don't finish that."

EDI blinks and remains silent.

Shepard gets into the elevator and grumbles as the elevator music starts up. She hits the button for the Crews Quarters but curses as it goes, instead, to the Engineer Deck. Once the doors opened it revealed Zaeed.

Shepard glares at him but doesn't say or do anything, she just remained exactly where she was to begin with, in the absolute center of the elevator, as the doors closed and they started to make their way up Zaeed looks at her and decides, that NOW he wants to talk.

"God Shepard, you look like a raging krogan… someone piss on your pizza?"

Shepard slowly turns to her right where Zaeed was standing, and flips him off. "I'll show you a raging krogan."

Zaeed smothers his smile and knowing it would get a rouse of her and finding this manner of Shepard hilarious he starts to hum along with the elevator music.

Shepard clenched her teeth not wanting to let Zaeed win this little game but right as the doors open she had lost it, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" She screamed. Everyone who had been in earshot or eyeshot of the elevator became silent and stared and her.

Zaeed sends her a smirk and leaves for the little boys room. Shepard gets more and more pissed as the day goes on and stares back at the staring crew.

"Get back to work." She snaps.

Everyone immediately finds something to do, whether its staring at the ceiling, walking around, or pretending to make conversation with the person next to them.

Shepard huffs and walks to the bathroom. As she enters the door EDI chimes in, "Commander, the women's facilities is on the other side of the hall. To the left of the elevator."

"I noticed." Shepard says stupidly as she stares at the naked Zaeed in front of her.

Zaeed stares back at her as Shepard backs away slowly from the shower stall.

"There's always room for one more…" he says "seductively" and raises his eyebrows.

"GAH!" She screamed and sprinted from the boys bathroom. _I can pee later!_

As she screams her lungs out all the way to the Main Batter the crew, once again, stares at her. She stops dead in her tracks.

"I would stop staring if I were you!" She booms. She was getting so tired of the constant staring and snickering. Time to end it… with the man who started it all. She stares at the mop that Rupert still had in his hands from cleaning up the pizza mess.

She smiles wickedly and grabs it from him. "I'll get this back to you in a bit." She tells the cook darkly.

All he did was nod numbly she smiled and stalked slowly to the Main Battery.

MassEffect

Chapter two is FINISHED!

Sorry there is such a large gap between chapters…. I'm on vacation… and despite what the common belief is… when your on vacation… there isn't much time to relax… there's always SOMETHING going on. So sorry for the wait. Hope you enjoyed it.

Credit goes to Cally Starkiller for coming up with the idea in the first place!


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey Garrus." She said darkly/teasing.

"Shepard need something?" His back was still turned to her.

"Yah I want to show you something… "important"…." She said mischeiveously.

"Shepard I…" He trailed off and gawked at the mop when he turned around.

She smiled alluringly.

"Shepard… now you just wait a moment. You WANTED to interrupt them. It was your decision. GAH!" He screamed when the mop made contact with the top of his head, he knelt down.

"You suck Dino!" She yelled and got ready for another whack when the door to the Main Battery opened.

A young man came in, his eyes glued to a holo pad as he seemed to search for something on the console in front of him, his eyes never leaving his holo.

As Garrus was on his knees his arms frozen above his head where he had been protecting it, and shepard was standing with the mop raised above her head the both froze. Waiting for the man's reaction.

When none came they both began to worry of the man was blind. Garrus stares at the crew member.

"Is he blind?" Garrus whispers to Shepard sarcastically.

"I guess so…" She whispers back.

Finally the man responds to their whispers and looks at Shepard, still seemingly oblivious to the fact there is a beating in progress. He smiles at Shepard.

She returns the smile, "Hi" She says simply.

"Hi" he replies. Slowly she begins to bring the mop away from Garrus' area and aim's instead at the crew member. Garrus looks between the two of them, debating on letting Shepard whack the man or tell the guy to run. He settled on letting the whole thing play out.

Suddenly a *WHACK* sound resounded through the small room.

"OW! What the hell?" The "blind" man exclaimed.

"I was in the middle of something before you so RUDELY interrupted, now BEAT IT!" She screamed.

The man ran from the room leaving his precious holo behind on the floor.

Shepard turned back to Garrus and yelled at him some more, regarding leaving her behind, teasing her, and working all the time, before she left for her Cabin.

Garrus got up rom the floor and followed her. He wanted to know why she was so on and off. And if she was mad at him.

"Shepard wait!"

"I said it once, now I'll say it again…. FUCK YOU GARBEAR!" Shepard threw the mop at Rupert who caught it and stared after the fuming Shepard.

Once Shepard was out of sight Garrus turned back to Rupert who stared at Garrus.

"Garrus…. Have you ever heard of PMSing?"

"No."

"… maybe this is a good time to go have that talk with Mordin."

Garrus' mandibles flared as he shook his head and started for the elevator, he stopped halfway and thought better of it and made his way back to the Main Battery.

Shepard got in the elevator but then got right back out and headed for Samara's room.

"Samara?"

"Yes Shepard?" Samara asked, never leaving her meditation pose.

"I need to achieve my… calm." Shepard sighed. She knew she was being a little crazy today. She wasn't sure why but she knew she needed to calm down.

"Sit."

Shepard sat down next to Samara, imitating the same pose.

"Take deep breaths." Samara said calmly.

Shepard starts to breathe in and out noisely, still not calm.

Samara sighs, "CALM deep breaths."

Shepard sends Samara a dirty look but complies taking slow, calm, deep breaths.

"Good." She approves, "Now close your eyes and think of something that makes you happy, a place that makes you feel at peace."

Shepard closes her eyes and begins to think of the first Normandy, in the cockpit with Joker. Sitting in the co-pilot chair to his right.

She smiles and remembers being there laughing and joking around with him, but slowly things start to become broken. As the nice warm glow of the consoles disappear and are replaced by flames and broken pieces. And soon after she begins to meditate on her death rather than the peace she had once gotten from that room.

"Damn it" Shepard sighed.

"Imagine a place where you know you are safe."

Shepard slowly recloses her eyes and thinks, again, back to the old Normandy. Her only real home where she felt it was hers. Where she was safe.

This time however she thought of the Engineering Deck, with the Mako… and Garrus.

"Garrus" she mumbled. She smiled at the memories she had with him.

Fixing the Mako together. Reminiscing about past times. Talking about possible futures that lie ahead. Joking about this or that. The good ones.

She sighed contently.

"Now hold onto that place, your safe haven. Your place of rest, where you feel safe and at peace. Embrace it and with it let your anger pass and subside." Samara said peacefully.

She smiled as she imagined Tali and Joker there as well. Slowly, as she remembered Joker, she thought of what had happened earlier. How she had gotten so mad at him for making her remember what had happened on the first Normandy. How he looked so upset about making HER upset. She knew it was just as painful for him as it was for her.

She needed to talk to him. "Thanks Samara!" She jumped up and ran from the room and to the Elevator.

As she approached the cockpit and saw Joker was indeed there she yelled his name, "JOKER!"

"COMMANDER!" He said just the same, then he paused, "Why are we yelling?" He turned around in his chair and saw Shepard jogging towards him. "Ah! Shepard!" He exclaimed when she embraced him.

"I am SO fucking sorry Joker!" She exclaimed.

Joker hesitantly hugged her back, grateful at least that she didn't snap him in half with her hug. "Um, don't worry about it?" He wasn't entirely sure why she was apologizing and why she was hugging him.

Then he remembered her hasty retreat after he had brought memories of her death flooding back. _Oooh…._ He thought, "Shepard, I was the jackass… so I'M sorry." Shepard released him.

"Joker, I know it was just as hard for me as it was for you. I shouldn't have reacted like that…" When Joker opened his mouth to protest she held up her hand. "And you do know that I do not blame you… and it wasn't your fault, right?"

"Yeah yeah I know."

Shepard nodded her approval, "Now, since when do YOU apologize? Never thought I'd hear THAT. EDI! What are the chances that Joker would ever say "sorry"?"

"Shepard. I cannot run numbers on the chances a human being will say "I'm sorry". But I am assuming that this is a "joke"…"

"Yes it's a joke." The two friends said together.

"Then I'd say a million to one." EDI said plainly, blinking immediately after.

Shepard and Joker both laughed.

Shepard slowly stopped laughing, enjoying the moment, when suddenly she remembered Garrus and the mop.

"Oh crapo… Joker I need your help with Garrus."

"Okay one… seriously Commander? Crapo?" Shepard opened her mouth but reclosed it when he continued. "And two. Why would you need MY help?"

"Cause you're…. you're… Joker." She said stupidly. "The best damned pilot in the galaxy." She quoted.

"Right then. Super Joker to the rescue." He mocked saluted. "So now what? I fly around the earth a couple times and everything get's fixed?" When Shepard shot him a dirty look he stopped. "Shutting up."

"Set a course for the Citadel."

"On it."

"You're the best…. And if you're super man? Can I be Louis Lane?" She asks seriously.

"Sure you can be Louis Lane… but… does that mean I get a kiss?"

Shepard raised her eyebrows. "How long till we get to the Citadel?"

"ETA about 4 hours." he replies.

"Great!" She beams and smacks a kiss right on his lips. "The night I spent with Superman!" She laughs and practically skips down the hallway.

Joker stares after Shepard as she skips away, completely stunned into silence. When he pulls himself out he clears his throat but doesn't turn his eyes away from her.

"EDI?"

"Yes Jeff?"

"Did you get that on your security footage?"

"No Jeff, I turned my camera's off for that moment."

Joker didn't respond.

"That was a joke."

"Right. Can I have a copy?"

Shepard comes back around when she overhears the conversation.

"What now?"

"Nothing Shepard." EDI covers for the still shocked Joker, "Jeff and I were just discussing the mating rituals of human beings… and interspecies relationships."

Joker immediately came out of his trance, "EEEEhw! We were not!"

"Nice one EDI." Shepard praises.

"Thank you Shepard." EDI blinked.

"Girls hate me." Joker moaned.

"We do not. We think you're adorable." She smiles and takes his hat again and places it on her own head. "So how much longer now?"

"Still 4 hours Ma'am. It hasn't been long since we've set course."

"Whatever. What should we do in the mean time?"

"Well you WANTED to do something about Garrus…"

"Oh YEAH!" She exclaimed, "So what should I do? Should I send him an apology letter or should I sing him a song?" She looked at her friend imploring.

Joker stares at for a second in shock.

"Well super pilot? I'm waiting…" She says, almost impatiently.

Joker mumbles about hearing Shepard's singing in the shower and it not being pretty, "You should definantly do a letter." He snapped his fingers and pointed at her.

"Shower? Mirror cracking? How would you know what I sound like in the damn shower?"

Joker held up his hands in defeat and then quickly turned to the helm, "Oh look! We're almost there!" He lied, trying desperately to change the topic.

"Oh really!" She plays dumb, "Did you see me in the shower?"

"No no no! It's just… your voice carries is all."

"Whatever." She waves her hand around as if to wave off the conversation. "I sing well enough. Maybe a singing card?"

Shepard seems to brighten up as she realizes it's a "good idea".

"Here I'll use this as my card." She grabs a random holo off the console.

"Hey! That's mine!"

"Not anymore." Shepard smirks as joker seems to accept defeat.

She opens the holo and stares at the picture.

"Joker…"

"Shepard…."

"This is…. It's a picture of…"

"Shepard I can…"

"No… not a picture… it's …. Is this the damned Shepard VI?"

"No…. yes…. Do you think it is?"

"It does look vaguely like me…"

"It was all over the net…" Joker put it.

The holo vid started to speak as the VI danced suggestivly with a mixture of different men and asari women.

"I'm Commander Shepard… and I frak asari."

"What the hell? I never did ANYTHING with that Asari Consort!" She screamed.

"I know that, we all do… just not the Citadel… or Omega… or Earth…."

Shepard sighed. "Well I know the truth. Let them think what they want. Because I'm forgetting I saw any of this."

"That's a good idea Shepard, just forget you EVER saw it. Cause it's not true."

Shepard scoffs, "I bet you wish otherwise." She mumbles and put Joker's hat back on his head.

Shepard erases the VI and looks to Joker. "Record on my mark."

Joker nodded.

"Put some cool music on." She told him.

He pushed a button on the console and played an older song, one with words rather than the techno music.

Shepard finds a song she likes and says, "begin recording."

Joker starts recording as shepard begins to sing. "Oh I ma sorry! Mmmm whatcha saaaay!" She finshes the song just as badly as she started.

Shepard smiles broadly, content with her work. "How was that?"

"Fantastic!" Joker lies as he cringes while giving his CO a thumbs up.

"Thanks!" She smiles and kisses him on the cheek before leaving the cockpit once more, holo in hand, and headed for the Main Battery once more.

"Garrus!" she shouted as she neared the door. "Oooooh." She drawled when she saw the pad was red.

"Garrus?"

"You hit me on the head with a mop!" he yelled through the door. His amazing voice muffled slightly by the obstacle.

"I know… Can I come in?"

"A MOP!" He emphasized.

"Yeeep." She said shamefully, remembering the incident.

"All of this because I callibrate too much… you are a confusing woman Shepard." He said as the pad turned green.

"Garrus…" She handed him the holo pad, "And yeah. You do calibrate too much." She smirked.

"One day you'll apprieciate all my calibrating." He said as he opened the holo.

"yak yak yak… is all you do too." She points out teasingly.

The singing Shepard comes up in the holo, as the card sings Shepard winces. "Oh I see what Joker meant by mirrors cracking…"

Garrus closes the holo quickly, "Thanks Shepard."

"You're welcome Archangel." She smiled.

"Commander? We're about 20 minutes out." Joker piped up

"Thank you Joker." She replied then looked back at Garrus, because for whatever reason she always looked up at the speaker to reply to Joker. She'd need to work on that. "Dark Star?" She asked him.

Garrus smiles a turian version of a human smile. "Definantly."


	4. Chapter 4

I was NOT able to transfer this chapter as well at ALL. Something happened to half of it when I transferred it to a word doc. So for some reason, a VERY funny scene with Miranda and Shepard was taken out. AND a couple parts while the couple is on the Citadel! They're COMPLETELY gone. :'( It's QUITE the loss. I apologize to my readers AND to Cally Starkiller.

Note: Cally, if you can remember the scene with Miranda I will be more than happy to rewrite this chapter! Let me know!

Disclaimer: I do not own MassEffect.

MassEffect

The two left the Main Battery and headed to the elevator, passing the Mess Hall in the process.

"They aren't tearing each other apart…" Rupert started.

"That's good…" Another finished. Watching as the two friends walked side by side without bickering or beating on each other.

The one crew member from earlier shrinked a little in his seat trying to go unnoticed by Shepard and her mop.

Once the two were on the CIC level, and in the cockpit she announced the shore leave over the intercom so the rest of the crew can go as well. The two of them went directly to a rapid transit and made their way to the main level.

Without knowing it Shepard and Garrus had a follower; Legion had followed them down to the docks and was behind them until the woman at the front desk stopped them.

"Ma'am? You cannot bring your personal synthetic into the Citadel, we ask that you leave it on your ship." The lady said out of habit.

Shepard turned around to see Legion behind her and Garrus. Garrus turned around as well, "How did I not see him?" Garrus seemed to pout at his "failure".

"Why can't I bring him?" Shepard turned and asked the lady.

"We've tightened security since the attack two years back. A few minor changes were made to reduce geth infiltration, we're sorry for the inconvience.."

"Geth do not infiltrate." Legion defended.

"Uh, Legion. Stay on the ship." Garrus offered, trying to avoid any conflict.

"Only if Shepard-Commander, orders me to do so, turian."

"Now you listen here you waste of mechanical parts…!" Garrus started.

"Stop it!" Shepard interfered, pushing Garrus away from the synthetic.

"Geth do not intentionally infiltrate." Legion seemed to pout.

"You see? He does not "intentionally infiltrate". I'll take any responsibility for his actions." Shepard stated.

The C-Sec lady didn't seem convinced but Shepard just smiled and started to walk down the hallway.

"That means! Sir Isaac Newton is the deadliest sonofabitch is space!" Garrus stopped in his walk with Shepard and stopped to listen to the CO lecture his recruits.

"NOW! What is Newton's first law?"

Garrus looks at Shepard as she backtracks and stands next to him. Garrus 'smirks' as he listened to the lecturer.

"An object in motion stays in motion, Sir!" One of the recruits answers.

"No credit for partial answers maggot!" The CO yells.

Shepard muffled her chuckle. "Idiot." She whispered to Garrus, referring to the 'partial answer recruit'.

Garrus grunted his response of agreement.

"Unless acted upon by an outside force, Sir!" Another recruit finished.

"Damn straight!" the CO shouted." I dare to assume that you jackasses know that space is empty. Once you fire this hunk of metal it keeps going on until it hits something. That could be a space ship 10 light years away, or the planet BEHIND that ship! It could keep going for billions of years until it finally hits someone or something. That means! That at some point or time you are ruining someone's day!"

Shepard giggled as the recruits seemed to be shaking so much they were going to sift through the floor. "Yes sir commander bitch." She whispered. Garrus seemed to be struggling as much as Shepard to hold back his laughter.

"THAT is why you check your damn targets! And THAT is why, Private Sanders, you do not EYEBALL it! This is a weapon of mass destruction! You are NOT a cowboy shooting from the hip!"

"Sir.. .yes Sir!" Sanders seemed to scream. Garrus was certain he could bet 1,000 credits on the fact that Sanders has pissed his pants by now.

"YeeHaw." Shepard slipped out unintentionally.

"Got something ta add lady?" The CO glares. Garrus just barely holds in his laughter.

"Yeah. Your "sermon" sucks." She air quoted. The CO gawked for a moment before his face scrunched up in anger.

"Who the hell do you think you are? How I train my recruits is my business, not yours or… your damn pet." He said indicating to Garrus.

"Sir yes Sir, Commander Racist!" Shepard fake saluted, giving the man a dirty look for talking to Garrus that way.

Garrus, despite the insult, could no longer hold in his laughter, and laughed out loud.

"Shepard… Shepard I think… we should get going." He laughed.

"We'll see you later Commander Racist… and as for you guys." She looked to the recruits who also looked to be wanting to laugh. "Good luck with him."

The trio made their way down the hall. They came to a closed door where a turian stood staring at his console.

"Sorry for the inconvience Ma'am." The turian apologized, as always, to Shepard.

Shepard stared absent mindedly at the turian as the scan proceeded.

"Sorry for the inconvience Ma'am." Shepard sighed and started to tap her foot impatiently, as the scan ran through them again.

"Sorry for the inconvience Ma'am." The turian repeated.

"GAH! She's alive already! She's living and breathing. Use your damn eyes!"

The turian ignores Garrus and continues to stare at the scanner. "Sorry for the inconvience Ma'am."

"Spirits! Just let us pass!" Garrus says, exasperated. Shepard sighs, agreeing with Garrus and continues to stare at the turian.

"Sorry for the inconvie-"

"Didn't you already fix this?" Garrus shouted. The turian doesn't even flinch.

After a moment it seemed that the turian would let them pass, without having to say the cursed words. The two of them waited patiently.

"Sorry for the inco-"

"AAAh!" Shepard screamed in annoyance. She turned around and started to pound on the door. "Captain fucking Bailey! Let us IN already!" She screamed as she pounded on the door.

The door opened and Bailey walked in and pointed at the turian accusingly. "Damnit! I thought I told you to just let these guys in!"

The turian looked between Bailey, then to Shepard, then to Garrus, and then back to Bailey. "Oooooh you meant THESE guys?"

Garrus palmed his forehead. Bailey shook his head. "Sorry about that Shepard. I'll make sure things are more… clear NEXT time." Emphasizing "next" as he looked at the turian.

"Yah and make sure he says something OTHER than "'Sorry for the inconvience Ma'am'." Garrus moaned. "I swear if I hear that word EVER again I'll beat them to the ground." He growled.

Shepard smiled and laid a hand on his arm. "C'mon. Let's go get that drink."

"Thank the Spirits." The two of them laughed and started to walk away, Legion in tow.

The three of them started for the Dark Star, as they passed the multiple stores Shepards many endorsements sounded around them.

"_I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite store on the Citadel."_

"You know what I think Garrus?" Shepard asked after awhile.

"Hm"

"_I'm Commander Shepard, and-"_

"I think it will be funny as hell to see you drunk." She laughed, "You will get so drunk and then-"

"I'll see Alenko." Garrrus finished for her.

"Huh?" Shepard asked looking around. When she saw the former LT she stopped dead in her tracks. "Alenko…" She breathed.

Shepard still had some hard feelings with Alenko, with his reaction to her on Horizon and then the whole thing with moving on quicker than quick; she was a little…. "upset" with him.

"_-and this is my favorite-"_

"Prick…" Slipped out from Garrus, despite trying to keep the memory of Horizon in the back of his mind.

"–_on the Citadel."_

"Prick?" Shepard questioned, looking partially amused.

"Well he is… you can't deny it." Garrus whispered back.

Alenko must have seen them as well, because he jogged up to them waving like an idiot."Shepard, hey!"

Shepard looked around helplessly, looking for a way to move out of sight, but saw nothing, "Hey." She replied with as much emotion as an Elcor.

"What are you doing here?" He sounded almost chipper. Which pissed Garrus and Shepard off alike.

"Shore leave." She said simply.

"I see, I'm on leave too." As if it mattered what HE was doing. "How's the, er, "suicide mission" going?" He asked stupidly.

Alenko was completely and utterly ignoring Garrus, only looking and talking to Shepard. Shepard stared at the man who abandoned her on Horizon.

"Fun." She said bitterly. "how's your doctor-"

"_On the Citadel."_

"Oh she's…" He trailed off, finally catching on to the bitterness, "Great…" He finished.

"How great?" sincerely curious but it was ground out in hesitation.

Garrus turned his ever burning gaze from the former team mate, who was STILL ignoring him, and cast a worried glance at his CO who was almost ripping her shirt with her fumbling.

"Just… great." The former LT responded nervously, shaking his head and shrugging at the same time.

"Great." She said simply, biting her bottom lip.

Garrus watched as Shepard started to get more and more "antsy", as the human term goes, and seemed to get more angry by the second. He figured it was time he made himself known.

"Well, it was GREAT seeing you Alenko, but Shepard and I REALLY must be going." He said as he grabbed his friends right arm gently. Kaiden seemed to be surprised by the fact that Garrus was standing there, as if he really didn't see him there.

Garrus started to pull Shepard away from her "favorite prick". "Maybe I can get to meet her someday." Shepard called over her shoulder as she was led away from the man who had caused her pain. Once they were safely away from the awkward moment Garrus spoke again.

"I thought you already met her once." Garrus half asked half stated. "So and so Ashton or something…"

"That was under different circumstances." Shepard said as if she were talking about the recent weather. Garrus almost rolled his eyes, _how could they be two different circumstances? _"Who knows?" Shepard continued. "Maybe we'd all be friends." She said bitterly.

"Hi I'm Sherry Ashton, and I'm a boyfriend stealer…" Shepard mocked in a high pitched voice.

Garrus would have snapped his talons if her could, _THAT was her name,_ He thought.

Garrus remembered when she had come back to the Main Battery once. She had ranted and raved for a good hour and a half about the whole incident.

"I could honestly care less if the lady wants to have that pricks babies. He just better not run away. "Cause that's what he is best at, running away!" She shouted and stopped walking. She stared at him for a moment before she slammed her back into the hallway wall and slid down it, landing in a heap on the ground.

Garrus looked around for a moment. Noticing, then, that Legion wasn't there anymore. Garrus shrugged and looked down at his friend and Commanding Officer. He admitted, the outburst had taken him by surprise. He had seen it coming but he didn't know it would come that fast or, exactly, like that.

He knelt down next to her, "Hey…" He started, Shepard was defiantly emotional today. "So Alenko is a big cowardly prick… now that's Sherry's problem. It's not yours anymore."

Shepard half laughed. "Looks like their kid is pretty screwed huh?"

"Yep," Garrus agreed. "Their kid is gonna be a big cowardly prick, just like their dad. Well as long as it's a boy. If it's a girl she'll be annoying with a really high girly voice. Who worries more about her nails than she will anything else."

Shepard laughed some more and looked at her friend. "His name could be Captain Prick!" She said happily, reaching over and grabbing onto Garrus' wrist with her left hand.

Garrus chuckled. "He could get a job with that CO back at the docks with those recruits. The two of them would probably make a good team."

"Hello, my name is Commander Racist and this is my second in command; Captain Prick." Shepard grinned widely.

Garrus laughed and laid a hand on hers and squeezed hers gently for a moment. "Feel better?"

"Much. Let's get going before Commander Racist finds us and lectures us for loitering."

Garrus "smiled", "alright." He stood and offered her hand up.

Shepard took his hand gingerly and smiled warmly as Garrus helped her off the floor, together they went into the Dark Star.

The two walked in and stood there shocked. Inside the club there were several human men and asari alike cheering and jabbing at a woman who danced on top of one of the tables. The woman, which didn't really surprise either one of them, was Kelly Chambers herself.

"Okay, now I REALLY need a drink." Garrus sighed. He walked over to the bar immediately and ordered a drink. "Give me the strongest thing you got."

"Here ya go." The turian bartender said and slid him a shot.

Garrus took the shot and gulped it down. Shepard came up beside him and sat down and smiled. Ordering a drink herself.

Garrus shook his head to clear it of the buzz, "Hit me again." He ordered.

Shepard looked over at him and smiled, she knew he would get slammed. This was gonna get interesting fast.

"Don't go too fast pal." The turian warned as he slid another shot over. Garrus grunted and took the other shot and again gulped it down. He shook his head again and turned to face Kelly for a moment when the crowd got particularly loud. He turned back to the bartender and his mandibles flared. "Gimme another." He drawled.

"Your funeral man…" The turian poured yet another shot and gave it to Garrus. Garrus looked at the drink as he picked it up, watching it slosh around, he looked to Shepard and did a turian version of a smirk and then back at the drink and drank it in one gulp.

Garrus slammed down the cup and looked to her. "Phew! Good stuff!" Garrus whooped. Shepard sipped on her own drink watching him gingerly, giving him a sly small smile. Garrus looked at her for a moment before the alcohol finally hit him.

Shepard knew that Garrus had had to have gotten drunk before. But from the way he shot those back and how he was acting now made her think this was his first. It was just as funny as she thought it would have been.

Shepard took another sip and looked at him over her glass and smiled sweetly again as Garrus realized just how stupid he had been. "Oooh, Shepard… I don't feel so good." he moaned, he swayed a little.

Shepard smiled again, and gulped down the rest of her own drink. "I bet." She giggled a little and got off her stool.

"I don't feel good at aaaall…" Garrus moaned again and put a hand to his forehead.

"I know. Let's go." Shepard soothed.

"Mmmmkaaaaay." He drawled.

Shepard grinned at her drunken friend and guided him to the bathrooms, the same one he and Tali had taken her two when she got hammered by the "green stuff".

"You know what I think?" Garrus asked lazily as they made their way over to the bathrooms.

"hm?"

"I think YOU are one…" He trailed off for a second, "awesome ass human being."

"My Garrus," Shepard chuckled, "you are so very very drunk." She said formerly. And led him to an open toilet.

"Am not." He mumbled as he knelt down and vomited into the said toilet.

"The world is spinning is all." He said directly after.

"Yes, the "world" known as the Citadel is spinning." He vomited again.

"You know what I mean." He moaned pathetically.

"Yes I know what you mean…" She agreed and chuckled a little, feeling her own alcohol coming after her.

"Told you so." He mumbled again. Cheering could be heard outside the bathroom, "What the hell was that?" Shepard questioned, looking over her shoulder.

"Chambers." Garrus said as he sat up straight and moved to stand back up.

MassEffect

Review Please!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own MassEffect or the characters.

MassEffect

Garrus swayed as he tried to stand up straight.

"Shit your probably right." Shepard agreed holding onto Garrus as he tried to stand on his still swaying feet.

"You should probably go… collect… your crew, before it's too late." Garrus heaved one last time.

"Too late?" She questioned, Garrus went to say something but reclosed his mouth when a squeal came form outside the bathroom. Garrus jestered his hand as if to say, "There's your evidence."

"Oh." She said simply.

"C'mon, before somebody takes her hom with them." He said but wavered and fell against the stall door.  
"Knowing her she'd probably "go home" with a varren." She said as she helped him find stability and out of the stall and into the main area of the bathroom.

"I hear that." Garrus chuckled as they left the crowded stall and into the open.

Shepard smiled and looked up at her tall turian friend but twirled around at the sound of peeing in a urinal, where a turian stood looking at them as if they had two heads, one of their own and the other of a collector.

"Do you mind?" Garrus practically shouted at the turian. "There is a lady in here!"

"Well what the hell is a "lady" doing in a MEN'S bathroom?"

"None of your buisness!" Garrus shot back.

"Oh well SO sorry to inconvienance the lady."

Garrus was about to retaliate when the turian said the word "inconvienance". He shot a look at Shepard saying three things at once; "Please?", "I can't help it…", and "Sorry" all at the same time. Shepard looked at him and nodded and turned around as the turian zipped up his pants.

As the turian went to pass them Garrus whipped around and landed a punch right in the other turians mouth. The turian fell to the ground in surpise, holding a hand to his mouth and seemed to massage it a lilttle.

Shepard stared at surprise at Garrus and then looked to the turian and then back to Garrus again. "Uuuuh…" was all she could say. _Was NOT expecting THAT…_ She thought.

"Sorry," Garrus apologized, "it was nothing personal. You just said the WORD." He explained.

"Geezes Garrus!" Shepard finally found the words she had wanted to say in the beginning.

"What?" Garrus turned around and looked at her "innocently". "You nodded your approval. If you didn't know what I was thinking… then it isn't MY fault."

"No you know wha-…" Shepard started but stopped as the turian regained his composure and stood, he took a swing at Garrus, but even drunk Garrus was still quicker. So with the momentum the other turian had but without it hitting anything he fell into his punch and fell forward landing on Shepard.

"God! Drunk idiots!" Shepard yelped, as she punched the other turian comically on the shoulder as he laid on her.

"Get off of her!" Garrus yelled as he grabbed the turian off of her and slammed the turian into a nearby bathroom wall.

"Garrus stop!" Shepard blurted out as fast as she could. She pulled herself off the floor as Garrus pulled his fist back from the punch he was about to deliver. "He was just… just doing his damn… buisness!"

"He said inconvienance." Garrus pouted as he looked at Shepard, the other turian still pinned to the wall. "I told you I would beat the shit outta the next person to say that…"

Shepard glared at Garrus.

"But I wasn't really gonna kill him or anything." Garrus defended. "but then he landed on you because he was stupid. So…" Garrus trailed off one hand still clutching the turians shirt pinning him to the wall while the other hand was simply hanging by his side as he carried on a casual conversation with his CO, as if this turians physical health was not about to be changed dramatically.

Shepard looked to the other turian who looked at her desperately and then back to Garrus. She thought for a moment.

"By all means…." She held out her hand as if to say "continue". The turian DID say the forbidden word and Garrus DID warn her… too bad for the turian.

Garrus "grinned" and threw a simple punch at the turians face and dropped the now unconscious turian.

"See? All done."

"He's bleeding. Did you have to beat him up so much?"

"I punched him…" He held out his hand and counted two fingers. "two times. Two times I punched him."

Shepard stared at the two fingers, to the unconscious turian, then back to Garrus. "you sure?"

"Yah, cus I punched him that one time when he was walking and then just now… that's it…"

"Okay, whatever let's go." Shepard shrugged.

"Good!" Garrus said relieved. "I've dealt with stupid C-Sec, a racist CO, I've dealt with Alenko, I've delt with Kelly, I've dealt with drunkedness, and I've dealt with a drunk turian. I'm DONE!"

"And you dealt with an emotional Shepard…" Shepard grinned looking up at Garrus.

"Eeeh, but that wasn't that bad." Garrus assured. Shepard smiled and grabbed his arm and they walked out of the bathroom and headed to a table where a very upset Kelly was using a cup to swat away any males that were getting to touchy.

"Hey!" Shepard shouted over the cheering males and pulled out her sidearm. "Back off, yah?"

The males all left, some immediately others hesitated, trying to look tough and not run for their lives. Once they were all gone Kelly jumped off the table. "Sorry Commander… they got a llittle… excited." Kelly apologized.

Shepard nodded. Lecturing her wouldn't do any good. Kelly was Kelly, Kelly never tries to tell her to stop shooting enemies, why should she try to tell Kelly to stop being a dancer. "Those were some good moves there. Maybe you could show me some dances. I'm not very good…" She admitted.

"Sure!" Kelly beamed. " I'd love to!"

"Maybe when I get back to the ship." Shepard suggested. "I'll meet you back there later."

"Alright. I should get going anyway. You'll be one of the best dancers in no time!" Kelly's smile widened even more, if she smiled any longer her face would crack.

"Maybe you could give her lessons in singing too." Garrus mumbled.

"What was that?" Shepard crossed her arms and glared at him.

"Hm? Oh nothing Shepard. I just coughed." Garrus coughed again for effect.

Kelly nodded at the two and left the Dark Star heading back for the Normandy, seeing that this was a good time to leave the two to themselves.

"You are such a liar!" Shepard accused.

"Am not!" He fake coughed again, trying to get her to believe him. She narrowed her eyes at him, time to change tactics.

"Where's Legion?" He asked her.

"I dunno." She cocked his head at him and pursed her lips. "He's a big synthetic. He can handle himself. But to more IMPORTANT matters…" She feigned a concerned look. "You look MIGHTY sick… and I don't like the way that cough sounds. Let's go get you checked up."

Garrus looked at her for a moment. "Okay. I'll talk to Chakwas when we get back to the Normandy." Garrus shrugged and started heading for the door. Shepard followed but looked up at him all the while.

"No no, let's go to the local doctor. Chakwas handles injuries and gun shot wounds…. Not colds…" Shepard grinned evily.

"Shepard… I'm fine really."

"So you DON'T have a cough." Shepard asked, though it was more of a statement.

"No."

"So you were lying…"

_Oh… THAT'S what she's playing at. _"No."

"Garrus you were either lying then,meaning you didn't have a cough and you were lying about having one. Or you are lying now and saying you don't have a cough when you do… so either way you are a liar."

"I can live with being a liar."

"Do you have a cold or not?"

"I can't remember." Garrus smirked.

Shepard laughed making Garrus nervous and wonder what she was thinking. "Hey Shepard. You wanna go get some pizza?" He tried to get her off topic.

"No, my Garrus is sick… I need to get him to a doctor straight away. Pizza will have to wait." Shepard held firm on his wrist as he tried to wriggle free, but to no avail.

"Okay, you know what I think?" Garrus almost screamed in his discomfort.

"What's that Mr. Vakarian?" Shepard smiled.

"I think… I think it's all this…. Fresh air… that's making me sick. I should probably get back to the stale air of the Normandy. Let's just go back to the ship." He offered desperately.

Shepard scoffed and continued to pull the struggling turian to the impending door to the doctors office. "I don't know what the big fuss is. You got a fear of shots or something? Besides we're almost there… we might as well." She pulled the relunctant turian closer and closer.

"Maybe it was the Dark Star… something in the air… I feel fine now! I haven't coughed ONCE since we left. I bet that was it." Garrus tried to back track.

Shepard scoffed again and pushed the struggling Garrus into the sterilized room.

A young doctor came up to the desk as Shepard pulled Garrus by the arm to the front desk. "Hello, I'm Ms. Vakarian. And this is Mr. Vakarian." Garrus almost choked as she told the Asari Receptionist their names. "I would like to make an appointment for him." The Asari only made a face at the "couple" for a mere second before telling them it would be a couple minutes before the doctor could see them.

"The hell we are "Ms. Vakarian"!" he looked to the receptionist and pointed at Shepard. "She finds it funny to ditch me at the doctors office. She's a terrible liar!" The receptionist ignored Garrus as Shepard took him over to the waiting room area.

"Okay look. I was lying. I was laughing and commenting on your singing. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lied and I'm sorry I made fun of your singing. Please don't make me go in there." Garrus resorted to pleading. Shepard opened her mouth but closed it when the receptionist spoke up.

"The doctor will see you know Mr. Vakarian."

"Shepard PLEASE." Garrus begged as he was ushered out of the waiting room and into the doctors office.

"Have fun dear!" Shepard smiled and waved flirtasiously at him.

Garrus sat down on the cold metal table and anxiously awaited for the doctor to come in with her cold hands and her evil tools.

He felt rather silly sitting on the small table acting like a child. "For spirits sake! So I can take on Saren, Soveriegn, Mecenary bands, and Collectors but I can't take on a simple doctor? Pull it together." He thought outloud.

Just then the doctor walked in opening and then reclosing the door, while still staring at her hold. She places it down on a counter top where all the supply's are and continues to read and check stuff off. Her back is facing him so he can't see her face, "Hello my name is Doctor Sherry Ashton. You can just call me Sherry. How are you today?" She asks and then turns around.

Garrus stared at the womens face, his eyes seeing her mouth moving while she speaks but his ears don't hear any words. His mind is soley on the the fact that this is Ashton, the lady with an annoying high voice. The lady who was dating Prick.

"Um, look lady. I'm not sick. I'm perfectly fine. No need for a check-up. My "wife" was just playing a cruel CRUEL joke on me so if you'll excuse me…" Garrus moved to get off the table when he thought for a minute. "Wait a second. Are you dating Alenko?"

The doctor stared at Garrus, she was staring him down. She was good at it but he'd had much worse. "Yes, I am. How did you know that?"

"I served with Kaiden a couple years back…." he explained simply.

"Oooh. YOU are Garrus Vakarian!" She squealed, looking back at the holo, "I should have known! He talked about you!"

_Fascinating. _"Right. So how are things with you guys?" He asked.

"Great! He proposed two days ago!" Showing off her new ring on her left hand.

"So you guys are marrying soon?"

"Yep! In 6 months!" She said excitedly. He almost felt bad that he felt so mean towards her. He could tell she deeply cared for this man and was very excited to be forever with him… but there was just too much history. Not to mention Shepard, the person he cares for more than anything else, was hurting because of these two.

"Good for you guys!" he feigned excitement. "Well I should be going. Thanks. Bye." Garrus rushed out and left the room. He all but flew past the receptionist desk and grabbed Shepards wrist and pulled her behind him as he continued to almost run out the door.

"Whoa whoa whoa! Slow down big guy! I'm not nearly as tall as you I don't run as fast either." Shepard exclaimed.

Garrus slowed to a normal walk. "You are NEVER doing that to me again!"

"What's wrong Garrus? Are you mad about the Ms and Mr Vakarian?"

"No. but guess who my damn doctor was?" garrus stopped and stood directly in front of Shepard staring down at her.

Shepard seemed to shrink a little under Garrus' gaze but shrugged nonchalantly.

"I…" Garrus looked down at Shepard and sighed, second guessing if he should tell her or not.

"Garrus. You can tell me… you're making me edgy now. Who was it?"

Garrus sighed and Shepard grabbed his hand gently. "Who was it?" She repeated.

"You know how Alenko is dating that one chick? Well they are getting married. She was my doctor." He explained.

"Oh." Shepard said simply and dropped his hand. "What an inconvienance." She murmered.

Shepard seemed to blank out for a second before she snapped out of it and smiled, "Pizza time?"

Garrus sighed.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own MassEffect.

Wow! We're getting close to the end! Bummer.

Masseffect

"Shepard, you can't keep changing the subject on things and expecting things to go away. You can't avoid everything."

"Yes I can." She said simply.

"If I couldn't what makes you think you can? It catches up with you."

"No it doesn't. It hasn't yet and it never will." She said stubbornly. And tried to walk around him to the RT.

"Shepard stop." he said quietly, stepping in front of her.

"outta the way Vakarian." She growled.

_You sound like a dog._ Popped in his head as a sarcastic comment but figured he should keep it to himself.

"Fine." He groaned. "We'll do this your way. We'll drop it and "move on". Do you want that pizza?"

"yes." Shepard perked up a little.

Garrus half sighed and ran a hand down his face. "Alright. Let's go…"

The two changed paths and headed for a food kiosk. On the way the two overheard a conversation between two civvies.

"I have other things to do! This meeting is such an inconvienance…" Shepard froze and turned towards Garrus. He shrugged as if to say "it's not that big of a deal anymore." Shepard shrugged in return and smiled. She quickly turned towards the man and before anyone could see it coming she landed a punch right at the civvies cheekbone.

Garrus looked at her shocked. "Feel better?"

"Much my "husband"." She smiled. The two men who had been talking both scurried away, not bothering to argue.

Shepard smirked and put her arm through Garrus' arm and walked the rets of the way to the kiosk. They purchased the pizza.

"I swear you and pizza is just like Joker and his hat."

"Or you and your guns." Shepard laughed.

Garrus grunted in half denial and half agreement.

"So you can't have any of this?" She asked Garrus, referring to the pizza in front of her.

The two moved to go sit down at a table. "Nope." Garrus affirmed.

"Oh… damn. Well I won't have a husband you doesn't like pizza…" She said around the mouthful of pizza.

"Poor Gary…" She said. "Looks like you will have to find another girlfriend or wife huh?"

Garrus laughed a bit. "I guess so. So I guess a divorce is in order hm?"

"All's well that ends well."

"Oh and don't call me Gary." Garrus warned.

Shepard smiled at Garrus and wondered how he could handle and put up with her reckless behaviors. "Aaaw why not?" She feigned a pout.

"Ugh, pick one! Garrus or Gary?"

"Garbear." She said not needing to even think about it.

"Damn it. I liked Gary better." Garrus moaned.

"Ew, I hate Gary." Shepard made a face.

"Then why did you call me it?" Garrus sighed. She was getting more and more difficult to figure out. What WAS PMSing? He was going STRAIGHT to Mordin when they got back to the Normandy.

"It sounded good at the time." Shepard shrugged and ate another rbite of her precious pizza.

"Like Garbear?" He asked cheekly.

She rolled her eyes, "Yah like Garbear… but I LIKE that one."

"Uh huh." Garrus mumbled and rubbed his forhead with his head. The aclohol still messing with his head.

"You wanna know something Garrus?" She didn't wait for him to respond. "There are two things you should know about humans."

"They are fragile? Emotional? Funny looking?" Garrus guessed.

"That's three." She said angrily. "And no." She used her fingers to punctuate her points, holding a finger up for each point. "We are awesome, and we are Superior."

"You're high on yourself." Shepard squinted her eyes at him. She stood up hastily but tripped over the chair when she tried to walk away. "Superior my ass." Garrus added, staring at his friend who was on the ground looking up at him.

"We are." She said stubbornly. "I bet I could take your ass down in one move."

Garrus laughed and offered his hand to her to help her up. When she grabbed his hand he started to help her up but when she was half way back to standing he let go, causing her to fall back down on her ass.

"Damn it!" She cursed.

"One move? You mean like that?" Garrus laughed. "Looks I beat ya to the punch." He spread his mandibles into a smile. "Now who is superior?" He asked, laughing again.

Shepard laughed with him, her laugh sarcastic, however. "I am." She said once her "laugh" was over.

Suddenly she swiped her legs under Garrus, making him loose his footing. He fell down with a thud and Shepard beamed. She got back in her seat and took the last piece of pizza and ate it happily, proud of herself.

Garrus got up quickly and cleared his throat, dusting himself off, before pulling on his civilian clothes to straighten them out.

Garrus looked around the Citadel to see at least a dozen staring at him and Shepard. He went to say something to his friend when out of nowhere, "I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite shop on the Citadel."

"Gah!" Garrus yelled, he was so annoyed with this advertisement. "Why do you always have to do that EVERYWHERE you go? Can't you just pay like a normal person?"

"I wanted the discount." Shepard pouted. "Which I HAD a normal life." She said.

Garrus mentally palmed himself. "Yah but you would be so bored if you had a normal life. You wouldn't have your own ship, or a crew, and you wouldn't be a total kick ass Commander."

"I would not be bored." She defended. "I would travel the galaxies going to every pizza shop and trying all of them."

Garrus shakes his head in amusement, her obsession was interestingly funny.

Shepard smiled and ate her final bite of her last piece of pizza. "Ready?" Garrus asked.

"Ready." She confirmed.

The two of them got up and started walking back to the Normandy when yet anotehr annoying advertisement came up… this one was different though.

"Come to Kaiden Alenko and Sherry Ashton's public wedding! For details call (462) 277-4653."

Garrus looked at Shepard nervously.

Shepard glared at the advertisement until it went to another referring to an all Elcor cast for the play Hamlet. "Gods frak it all!" She cursed and stormed away to a nearby shop and started grabbing at bunches of clothes, slinging them over her shoulders and over both of her arms.

Garrus followed behind her, confused at her reaction, for the hundrenth time in one day. "Shepard… what. Are. You. doing?"

"I'm shopping!" She all but shouted.

"Why?"

"Because I'm going to a wedding."

Garrus shook his head rapidly to clear his head, wondering if he had heard her currectly. "What! You going to their wedding?"

"Yep."

"Why?"

"To crash it."

Garrus stared at the back of her head as she continued to pick random articles of clothing at tossing it over her shoulder or one of her forearms. Garrus grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around. "Shepard! You can't do that!"

Garrus may not be exactly CLOSE to the former LT but this was not going to happen. This man had found happiness however it might affect Shepard.

"And why not?" Shepard glared at him, stopping her crazed look for outfits.

"I'll be honest Shepard."

"Honest Garrus?" Shepard glared.

"Yes?" garrus asked, wondering if he said something that would set off, yet another, freak out.

"Isn't that what a relationship consists of, honesty? Kaiden wasn't honest with me… so now we go crash his wedding."

"Shepard! He moved on. That's not being dishonest…. Unless he was cheating on you before hand, moving on after you died isn't being dishonest." He winced at his tone, but it was true. She wasn't being fair to him or herself.

Shepard just stared blankly at him.

"If you cared or care about Kaiden then you would move on too. He's happy, let him be happy." He said softer.

"I never would have moved on." She said stubbornly.

He was crossing a line, he knew that. But it needed to be said. "But he did."

Shepard snapped out of her stare and glared at him. She moved away from him but tripped when one of the many clothing pieces fell under her feet and got caught up. "Damn it." She held the back of her hand to her eyes in an attempt to keep the tears at bay. Garrus held his hand out to her but she pushed it away.

"I'm moving on." She said determined getting up off the ground and heading for the door, taking the clothes with her.

The store clerk looked after Shepard, Garrus held up his hand. "This should cover it." He tossed a credit chit at him.

The clerk nodded and Garrus followed after Shepard back to the Normandy.

"Commander what are you going to do."

Shepard actually flinched, even though she was mad at him. He never called her Commander unless there was something wrong. He was just as upset as she was.

"I'm going back to the Normandy, I'm leaving. This whole Alenko thing is ridiculous." Shepard sighed. "And you're right. I did die, and he moved on. But I'm still peeved at you." Shepard said and kept walking towards an the Normandy dock.

Garrus followed behind her, hands clasped behind his back as she walked with her pile of new clothes in her arms.

Half way back to the Normandy when Shepard spoke up. "Where's Legion?"

Garrus looked around, "Haven't seen him since we ran into Alenko…" He shrugged. "Maybe he's already back on the ship."

"I guess." Shepard said, "I don't really feel like going back." Garrus looked at Shepard as they

walked, confused, once again by her sudden change in attitude. This time he could see a difference in the way she looked at him, she was pissed, but she was trying not to be.

Shepard looked at all the different stores and vendors, "You know. The Citadel is a helluva lot better than Earth."

Garrus wasn't sure if she was getting at something or not, "Really? You think so?" the turian asked curiously.

"Mhmm, a lot better. Earth has basically just becme one giant cesspool. People are still horribly poor, and whoever isn't is selfish and power hungry, crushing and destroying anyone in their way. The Citadel seems nicer."

"I see. I guess the Citadel would seem better in that case." Going with what she was playing at.

Shepard looked at the approaching ship and sighed. "I kissed Joker." She said simply just as she did suddenly. She stopped and looked at him, he did the same.

_THAT'S why she didn't wanna go back._"Oh, wow. Uh… " nodding his head at a loss for words. "Wasn't expecting that. "Are you guys like…"

"Like what?" She asked.

"you know… like. Together?" He was pretty sure they weren't since Shepard was sp upset over Alenko, but he had to ask.

"No, heavens no. We were just messing around." She laughed. "He was Superman and I was Louis Lane and… never mind." She said when she figured he was horribly confused. "it's… a long story."

A few things ran through his head, What was Superman, who was Louis Lane, and why was she telling him this. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because, I didn't want you to hear the bad rumored version… and you're my friend. And…" Shepard trailed off,figuring she should keep the last bit to herself… for now.

"Alright. Well thank you." Garrus smiled, "Ready to go back now?"

"Only if you are husband."

"Ready. Shall we?" Garrus asked, offering her an arm.

Shepard transferred all of her clothes to one arm and took the offered arm. "We shall."


	7. Chapter 7

Finale!

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own MassEffect or the shipor any of the cremembers. Not even Miles.

Dedication: To Cally Starkiller, the most impressive writer out there. She is the co-author of this funny and hilarious story. Thanks for all the fun talks! *hearts*

MassEffect

Shepard and Garrus entered the ship. "Hey could one of you guys run this up to my room please?" She asked one of the techs that was on the bridge.

"I'll take it." One offered, she was pretty sure his name was Miles.

"Thanks!" Shepard smiled and said flippantly.

The two headed to the Elevator passing Kelly on their way.

"Hey Kelly…" Shepard greeted.

"Yes Commander?"

"Did Legion pass by here?" Garrus asked.

"Um, yes he did. But he looked a little… disoriented."

"Disoriented?"

"As much as Sythetic can be of course." Kelly corrected.

The elevator door dinged open and revealed a dancing beat boxing Legion.

"Uuuh…" Shepard stared, her eyes practically popping out of her skull.

"What the hell happened to Legion?" Garrus asked.

"Shepard-Commander." Legion started.

"Legion…" Shepard nodding her head at the sythetic.

"Is this how humans do the 'robot'?"

It inquerised, its mechanical eyes eyebrows wavering up and down.

"Where the hell have you been for the last four hours?" Garrus questioned.

Legion shuffled and stopped dancing. "Following you."

"That's not creepy." Shepard whispered. Garrus shook his head sacastically serious.

Kelly took this moment to speak up. "Why were you inquiring about the 'robot'?"

"I saw you, Chambers-Yeoman, doing the robot as well." He explained.

Kelly's mouth snapped shut and she turned bright red, almost as bright as her hair.

"Stalker!" Shepard shouted pointing an accusing finger at Legion.

The synthetics eyebrows rose and fell several times before returning to there normal place. "Geth do not stalk."

"The hell they don't." Garrus whispered.

Legion heard his comment and reconsidered his phrase. "Geth do not intentionally stalk." It corrected.

"It doesn't matter… just…" Garrus sighed. This headache was getting worse and worse. "I'm going to bed." He finished and walked around the sythetic, who was standing in front of the elevator door, and summoned the cab.

Shepard also walked around Legion and snaked her arm around Garrus' waist and smiled. "Just ignore the damned machine Garrus."

The doors opened and Shepard and Garrus got and closed the door before Kelly or Legion could say anything else.

Garrus looked down at Shepard and smiled at her, then put on the best serious face he could. Shepard looked at him nervously, not knowing what he was thinking. "What is is Mr Vakarian?"

"Oh nooothing. 'Ms. Vakarian'… I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"About how you seem to be carrying some tension…."

Shepard giggled before she too put on her serious face. "I am. How did you know?"

"I'm your husband, dear." For the first time actually playing with her little game that she started. "I know these things."

"Well I am pretty tense…. You got a solution?" She flirted back.

"I got some ideas." The elevator opened to the crew quarters but Shepard reclosed them and pressed the button for her cabin, hoping that Miles was out by now.

The doors dinged open and the two stumbled into the room and onto the bed.

MassEffect

Shepard laughed, like really laughed for the first time in weeks. She was still mourning the loss of Samara. She may not have been a close friend, like Kasumi, Tali, or Jack… but she was still a friend. The "Suicide Mission", as it was, was a success, the only casualty was Samara. She gave TIM the bird, and they were now in the process of rebuilding the Normandy. It had only been a couple of weeks, but it felt like it was just yesterday, but at the same time it felt like years ago.

_I suppose that's what happens after you die the first time. You get all confused on time. _

Shepard looked at her private terminal and laughed again.

Garrus came out of the bathroom, "What's so funny?"

"This." She points at the holo pictures attached to an email.

Garrus leaned over Shepards shoulder and looks at the small screen. _Damn she smells good._ He thought when the closeness

"The two had babies!" Shepard smiled and giggled.

"What? When?" _Those two got right down to buisness huh? _Garrus remembered it had hardly even been 6 months ago when they had run into Alenko and Ashton.

"While we were on the Omega 4 relay. They had kids while we were on the Collectors Base!" She laughed.

Internally, Garrus kept thinking of how it had only been 5 to 6 months ago they had seen them, didn't human's have a 9 month pregnancy?

"The irony…" Garrus mumbled in her ear.

"I know right?" She asked flippantly, "Anderson sent this to me under, 'Imporanta! Babies!'. Anderson…" She smiled and shook her head.

"That Anderson…" Garrus chuckled, "How many?" He asked trying to read over her shoulder.

"Uuum, two." She said looking at the pictures. "A boy and a girl."

"We should send them a card. To congradulate them… and wish them luck." Garrus stood up and Shepard turned around in her chair and looked up at him.

"Why?"

"Well they ARE gonna need luck with those annoying ass kids. I mean with a future Captain Prick, and a prissy girl…. They're gonna need it. Right?"

"They will!" Shepard caught on.

"We should also tell them to meet with that Commander Racist too." Garrus felt kinda bad they were making fun of new born babies. But it wasn't directed at them… just their parents.

"So card time?" Shepard asked mischieviously.

"Card time." Garrus confirmed.

She pressed record and smiled, "Happy Birthday celebrations! I wish you luck with Captain Prick and your little girl. And please, do me a favor, tell Commander Racist I said 'YeeHaw!'…"

"Good luck! And have 'fun'!" Garrus added.

Shepard ended the recording and smiled up at Garrus, "Should we send it?"

"Yep."

Shepard smiled and watched as the message sent and alerted her.

"Message sent to Kaiden Alenko" an animated voice told her.

"We are so mean." Garrus chuckled.

"But thoughtful, so very thoughtful." She smiled wickedly.

"That we are." He scooped her up bridal style and brought her to the couch where their drinks were sitting on the table.

"I love you my Garbear."

Garrus growled teasingly. He still wasn't fond of the nickname, but he was used to it.

"I love you more…" He growled again, this time scooping her up and "gently" slamming her into the large bed, Shepard squealed in delight.

MassEffect

Garrus walked up behind the Salarian doctor. His back was facing the turian, completely engrosed in his work.

Garrus cleared his throat. "Mordin?"

Mordin jumped slightly, "Vakarian! Startled me. Need something? Busy, looking into cure for Joker's disease…"

"Right. Well this won't take long…"

"Very well. What do you require?"

"What do you know about…" He paused running the phrase in his head a couple times to make sure it was right. "PMSing?"

Mordin's already large eyes became huge before he blinked a couple times and cleared his throat and took a deep breath.

"Human term. Refers to a human womans…"

MassEffect

Thanks for reading! I had a fun time writing this! I'm sorry it took so long to do it all. Changing the whole thing over was kinda complicated, and without internet… long story. But I hope you all enjoyed it. Please review! It's greatly appreiciated. Cally and I both love to read what you have to say!


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